If you want to know if your therapy is working for you, it means you've already done the hardest part: You. Went. To. A. Therapist.

That was not easy. Maybe you thought you'd never be able to do it, but here you are, and you did. Whether you chose a psychologist, psychiatrist, or some variation of one of the two, you're in the chair and, hopefully, you're talking.

At some point, you're going to want to look at where you are and how helpful the process is. There's no Absolute Guide to Deciding if This is Working for Me.

You may be offered periodic assessment questionnaires (you may have been given one at your first consultation) to see, for instance, if you're feeling less anxious or depressed. But apart from that, it's up to you.

This is a good thing. Too often we want to lob the ball into the other player's court and leave it there. But why? They're not the boss of you. (Unless, of course, we are speaking of someone by whom you're actually employed.) You should be able to weigh up what you want and what you're getting.

So, what are you getting?

It all - and always - comes down to trust. Do you trust this person? Have you got comfortable enough to move past the formulaic questions and responses and moved on to the reasons that underpin the visible parts of your problem? It's easy to bail on therapy when it gets hard and the wounds open up. Or when it's not something you want to hear, like maybe some of it is your fault or the fault of someone you love. With trust, you're more likely to stay with it and commit further.

Trying to outsmart your therapist is not part of the trust equation, but it's something that happens a lot. This is not a test of wills or wit. It's a waste of time. It's fine if you don't feel this is the right person for you, but don't undermine the process by playing games.

When the therapy and clinician are working for you, you don't feel judged. You feel safe to be you and to talk like you. You feel like a human. Judgement comes in all forms: verbal, body language, facial expressions. But only you know when you're feeling judged and judgement has no part in therapy.

We know the clichéd scene when you say a thing and the therapist says: 'And how does that make you feel?' The joke is meant to be a sort of patient-frustration point. Kind of 'if I knew, I wouldn't be here.'

But there is always a reason clichés become clichés. There be truth in them there words. So if you're not being asked for your opinion, if sentences are being handed down from on high without useful dialogue, you may be in the wrong place.

You should feel included in the process that will bring about your wellbeing.

You didn't break your leg, go the emergency room and leave with it set and told to rest. Your opinion, ideas and intuition count. This is about you, and while you are not an expert at fixing the thing that may be broken or wonky, every bit of information, every clue you can give to what's wrong should matter. When you feel like that, like your investment in your healing means