Thinking of others first. Putting the needs of others before your own. Going the extra mile (or hundred miles). No favour or service too big to ask. Really, it's no trouble at all.

We think highly of these phrases. It's obvious we do - why else would they take up so much space in long-service speeches and eulogies? We have a sort of reverence for people who seem able to do more for others. And doing for others is not a bad thing, surely.

But what if it is? What if you fall into martyrdom and you're not the only one who gets burnt?

Codependence describes a normal impulse taken to an unhealthy extreme: the desire to care for others. At its simplest, codependence is the condition of depending on others depending on you. The codependent needs to be needed. The pathological end of the caregiving spectrum, if you will.

When it comes to identifying symptoms and behaviours that are potentially codependent, you can rapidly start to feel as though the condition described is nothing more than 'being in a relationship' or 'caring about someone.'

Putting someone else's needs before your own is the basic component of codependence, which means that a lot of fairly ordinary features of sharing your life with someone can be identified as suspect.

Here is a simple example.

Burt and Beatrice are romantic partners. Burt follows a specific diet for health reasons. That and some trust issues mean he prefers to prepare his own food. Beatrice is not expected to follow Burt's meal plan, but, more often than she'd like to admit, she will find herself eating what Burt made because it's the easy thing to do and he's also getting quite good at cooking.

Burt also has terrible taste in movies, which means Beatrice has watched some dreadful movies in their time together. Does she have to watch them? No, but the alternative is the age-old stand-off between partners about what to watch on TV.

Beatrice has been to places she would never have gone by herself - she hopes never to return to them - all in the name of the social life she shares with Burt.

Does that make Beatrice codependent? No. But how much more will she endure before seeking professional advice about her tolerance for Fast and Furious movies?

This is not to make light of codependence. Unfortunately, however, a lot of codependent behaviour can be summarised as 'good instincts gone bad.' It is as easy to trivialise actual codependency as it is to pathologise unremarkable relationship traits.

Codependence can turn relationships toxic. The codependent's need for validation via self-sacrifice makes a relationship one-sided. Rather than a mutually supportive partnership, the codependent adopts the role of the 'giver,' while the other person becomes a 'taker,' or dependent.

This arrangement can potentially suit both personalities. A codependent caregiver of an addict, for example, might go to extraordinary lengths to cover for their dependent, thereby enabling the addiction.

Codependency is often associated with parentification - wherein a child reverses roles wi