Children can be a blessing or a bother. I know that isn’t a popular thing to say, but it is true. Many marriages suffer because of children. Likewise, many marriages are deeply blessed because of children. In our episode on children, we lay out some practical steps to make sure your children bless you, not bother you. In this episode, someone asked the question, “how do you balance time between your spouse and your children?” Below is our answer from our book: It is always important to remember what came first. The two of you are the foundation to this family. As a couple, you decided to start a life together and grow together. Part of that journey is bringing children into the picture, but they are brought in as a part of your journey. They are not meant to make you leave the main path and join a secondary path. They should complement the original “team”, not divide it. The home cannot revolve around the children. It is not healthy for the children to think they have that much control, and it isn’t healthy for you to allow them such control. You must protect your marriage because your job is to work together to create independent adults who, if you do your job well, will leave your home and go start their own families. Yet, your spouse should be by your side ’til death does you part. Let’s make it practical: lSet aside time to talk each day, and try to make sure to include subjects other than the kids. If you are talking and the kids want your attention, make it clear to them that they are not allowed to interrupt you. The message needs to be clear. My spouse is important and you are not allowed to disturb us when we are talking. lGo on dates. I hear of people saying “my child just whines and makes me feel guilty if we go out and leave him/her behind, so we just decided to take the kids.” There is nothing wrong with taking the kids out, however if you want to go for a date, do not let your child have the power to dictate your social plans. It builds up a spoiled mentality in the child and builds up resentment in you when you lose your freedom in such a way. lExercise together. A great way to keep your body in shape and get some quality conversation in on a regular planned basis is to go for walks, jogs, or hikes. lIf you have the space in your home, try and get the child out of the bedroom as early as possible. This is a matter of preference so we don’t want to spend too much time on this one, but we have counselled couples who have ended in divorce because of lack of intimacy caused by the fact the child still slept with them, and they claim they just couldn’t ask him/her to leave because of the tears that ensued. lDefend your spouse. Never let your children badmouth your spouse and you should never bad mouth your spouse in front of your children! Let them know the two of you stand together! It actually makes them feel more secure knowing their parents are a stable and united force. Let me give you an example of this in practice. When Caleb, our son, was around 4, he went on this spree where he would hit me when he